My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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