Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
