Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
