it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
