So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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