Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
