Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
