Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
