I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I need a beard to bite.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
