if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
