So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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