who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
they need to just BURY HIM!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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