eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
