my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm both gender and math confused
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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