Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
