I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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