So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize