I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
