letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
