I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
