Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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