I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
