sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
