Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
