I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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