WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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