I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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