it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
