she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
