yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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