Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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