Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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