I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
