Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
