Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
