question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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