I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
