also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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