two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
