The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
