:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
