I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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