I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
