My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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