a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
