Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
