i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
