singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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