I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
