Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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