I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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