Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
