dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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