Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
