My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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