So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
