I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
