My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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