My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
