Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
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Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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