Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
