Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
