you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
