Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
