Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize