every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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