I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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