NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
