oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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