Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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