I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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