Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
