I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
