Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
