why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
