You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
