He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
