i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
