I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
