update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.