Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect

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(206): View more from Washington

Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.

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(636): View more from Missouri

She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(512): View more from Texas

If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA

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(512): View more from Texas

I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?

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