dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?