on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Okay so I just had a really great idea