The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
