Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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