What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
