You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
